It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
