Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
