I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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