so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
