Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
