Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
