If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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