so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
