he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
