I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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