He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
