Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
