just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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