I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize