So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
