my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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