i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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