i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
