I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm both gender and math confused
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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