I need help removing her.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
