You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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