Need sex. Gaining weight.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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