oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
