I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
