Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
