I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize