you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
