tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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