cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
