the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
