Small penises have feelings too.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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