I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
