Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
