Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize