Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
