i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
