I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
