woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
