Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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