He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize