I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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