can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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