Your face is a jimmy john
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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