my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize