I just cut my nipple shaving
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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