He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
