i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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