So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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