he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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