DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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