East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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