omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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