I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
