my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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