dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
