im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
