Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
a search helicopter?!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
