Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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