Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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