..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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