remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
