Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
