she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
