I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i came on her dog
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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