Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
