I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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