Jerry, you need to find god
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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